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15 Nov, 2000

Fun With Accents (III)

American accents are fun
I promise you I ain't got none.
I'll tell you directly
That I speak correctly!
But you speak real funny, old son

This little verse was inspired by a gentleman from Looz-ee-anna who commented to me "Ah cain't unnerstan a woo-ard thay-et laydee sayuz." I thought that was pretty funny - she had a standard Australian accent. He had a Louisiana bayou accent so thick you could cut it with a knife. It's all in the point of view!
For those that need a translation, he said: "I can't understand a word that lady says."

The UK's got accents galore.
I think that not one is a bore.
Be they Yorkshire or Brummy,
Even Cockney or Plummy,
I always will beg to hear more!

Not kidding either; every time I hear a new accent, I become the world's best listener. If you're from the UK, and want a crying shoulder, you've got one — as long as you promise not to do your whinging in boring BBC English. I'll even listen to RP accents (with a wince or two)....

The Aussies just make me so dizzy.
From Western Australia to Brissy,
Or from north down to south,
men -- just open your mouth,
And I promise I won't say I'm busy!

As I might have mentioned before, I'm a bit enamoured of the Australian accent. A male with the accent has probably got a date, even if he's otherwise a total rotter. No, I'm not silly enough to fall in love with a man for his accent, but I might buy a beer or two to keep him talking!
P.S. Yes, Brissy does rhyme with dizzy — in Aus (Oz).

Explanations

Limericks

    What I like about limericks is that they have rules:

  1. A limerick must have five lines.
  2. Lines one, two and five must rhyme with each other
  3. Lines three and four must rhyme with each other
  4. Lines one, two and five must have the rhythm: (da) da DUM da da DUM da da
    DUM (da)
  5. Lines three and four have the rhythm: (da) da DUM da da DUM (da)

The beats in parentheses are optional. For example (with strong beats in bold):
Yes, a limerick really should rhyme
If it doesn't, that's truly a crime.
It needs a beat too,
But between me and you,
I sometimes forget to keep time!

In strict format, one should try to keep the number of syllables the same, but it's not really necessary for limericks done just for fun. You'll notice in the above example that the lines are 9, 9, 5, 6, and 8 syllables (respectively), but it still scans. Most people try to do limericks by syllables, but it's the
beat that counts. Usually you should try to use a strong word for the DUM beat if it's a single syllable, or the use syllable that is normally accented if the word has more than one syllable. You can also sometimes get away (or try) with accenting a syllable that would emphasise the word if you were speaking it. So try writing a few, they are lots of fun!

If you want that in technical language, a limerick is an aabba rhyme scheme. Either an anapest (da da DUM) or iamb (da DUM) is acceptable for the beginning of each line, the rest of the feet are anapest. A extra trailing weak beat is optional on each line. Lines one, two, and five have three feet; lines three and four have two feet. No, really, I do not write poetry. I do write Limericks because I like them. (I've got a bit tired of arguing that Limericks are poetry, even if they are a low form!)

Accents

You say toe-may-toe, I say toe-mah-toe; you say a-gehn, I say a-gain. Everyone's got an accent, but very few admit it. I've got several, depending on who I've been talking to lately. English accents tend to throw me into a BBC 'middle of the ocean accent', and US southern will only cause me to drawl a bit and say y'all instead of you guys. I do pick up Scots accents, Australian, and Jamaican if I'm around those. I also pick up Canadian and most non-southern US accents (except for Boston -- grew up with that one, and I'm immune).

The only accent I don't hear as an accent is New Jersey; that is the one I revert to in times of stress, or times of one too many stouts (or whatever). Normally, though, I even notice that one -- by noticing that I'm not hearing an accent.

But Why?

So there you have it -- my little trilogy on accents in Limerick form is an expression of a great fondness for both. Hope you enjoyed them!

By Kathy Kinsley at 16:14 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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21 Oct, 2000

Fun With Accents (II)

The Colonies

In the US, I've mostly lived in the east, and am most familiar with the accents there. I was born in Kansas City, but moved from Kansas just after I turned 4. I lived in New Jersey until I was fifteen, then I moved to Charlotte, North Carolina. I'm now in Florida. So, I'm mostly picking on the accents I know.

I don't know Canada's accents well enough to do a whole article, so I added a limerick on the one I know best.

Australian accents are amazingly uniform over the country. They really have just three basic accents, the broad "outback" accent (which is overblown nicely in the Crocodile Dundee movies), a standard accent, and the very snooty upper-class English accent. My favourite of all the accents of English speakers is the standard Australian accent, and one of the funniest misunderstandings I know of was in the broad accent. Aus (Oz) may be last on my list, but its accent is music to my ears.

Bostonians mistreat the "R"
That speech can be truly bizarre
They drop it and then
they add it again
Pronouncing Bar-bra as Bah-brar

My mother was born and bred just outside of Boston. She also says "Alabamar" and the classic "Pahk the cah in the Havaahd yahd". Other New England accents are not as heavy as Boston's. (Oh.. and again and then do rhyme in US English!)

In New Jersey don't say Joisey City.
You may think that you're terribly witty,
But in most of the state
It's an accent they hate.
What they'll do to you won't be real pretty.

A true pet peeve. Some people from the Newark/ Jersey City areas do talk that way, as do some from NYC. Most of the state says "Jersey", with the R over-pronounced. The "Joisey" bit was old before I was born!

The southerners' word is y'all
They most often speak at a crawl.
I can write twenty tales
And imbibe thirty ales
While they say just one word in that draaaaaaawl.

To someone brought up in NY area, Southern speech seems terribly slow and drawn out. I used to find it frustrating to talk to southerners, but I've got slower myself over the years.

Charlotte's accent could be a real strain.
I really don't mean to complain.
I said many a time
Pin, pan, pen do not rhyme,
But they rhymed them and drove me insane.

Most of the Charlotteans couldn't hear the difference between pin and pen, even in my accent. A few could hear a difference with pan. In high school, no one ever borrowed a pen or pin, always an ink-pen or a safety pin.

In Florida's quite a cross section
of accents -- we have a selection:
Cubans, Haitians, Chinese,
And diverse retirees.
It's a great place to start a collection

Florida has such a mixture now that it's difficult to find a "Florida accent" anymore. True Florida natives are more and more rare. But it is a wonderful place to hear accents from all over the world.

In Texas they have quite a twang,
And also their own brand of slang.
Though their talk may be sweet,
That darn weather's no treat;
I'd just as soon live in Penang

Penang, for those who are wondering, is in Malaysia. Hot and damp. But fabulous food!

In Vancouver they sound way too high.
Don't ask me, I can't tell you why.
The attitude's mellow,
Like an old hippie fellow
Whose mind is still lost in the sky.

I like the Vancouver accent, but it has always sounded just a bit stoned to me. I suspect they may have picked up too much from Northern California. I'm not overly familiar with most Canadian accents, that one is the only one I know well, eh?

On a tour was an Australian guy;
When asked when he'd come there and why,
He replied -- "Well, I'll say
That I came here today."
What they heard was: "I coim here ta die"

This one comes from a tale a friend told me. The bloke on the tour did say "I came here today" in a very broad Aus accent. Luckily there were some other Aussies with a milder accent to translate for the shocked people who had heard, "I came here to die".

By Kathy Kinsley at 15:07 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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01 Oct, 2000

Fun with Accents (I)

UK and Ireland

A couple of years ago, we got a satellite dish at my house, with a number of new channels. My housemate was fascinated by BBC America, so I got to listen to it quite often (the computers are the room next to the TV room). I had a lot of fun trying to identify the accents. I usually had no luck whatsoever, but I enjoyed listening to them all.

Since I had been in accent heaven, I thought I'd do a piece or two on accents, but I really can't stay serious for long on the subject. So, since there was a "silly verse" contest going on among some other writers I knew, I was inspired to do a few limericks. Just for fun. I hope you all enjoy these, and if anyone from the UK or Ireland wants to get offended, you should see what I said about my fellow ex-colonials!

The Brits like to shorten a word,
Causing names to become quite absurd.
At "Featherstone-Haugh"
I was really in awe,
As "Fanshaw" was all that I heard.

This British habit can be very puzzling to those of us who don't know what is going on. Wooster? Try finding that on a map without knowing the actual spelling!

The English (don't call one a Limey)
Can speak either posh or 'cor blimey'!
Posh sounds like a plum
Has been stuck in their bum,
While cockneys 'ave slang that is rhymey

 The phrase actually is "Plum in the mouth" but I have my own opinion. Besides, I couldn't resist the rhyme. I'm afraid the posh English is one of the few accents I wince at.

"Head north, you illiterate rogue.
Oxford accent's no transient vogue.
Watford north is the source
Of all that is coarse",
Says the south, 'cause they dislike that brogue.

The southern English claim that civilisation ends at Watford, which is about 40 miles north of London. The northern English have a differing opinion! I do also.

US made the Beatles supreme,
And we thought their accent a dream.
But don't use it in Britain.
You can take that as written.
They'll hide under bedclothes and scream!

I was amazed years ago to find that the Liverpool accent was not considered high-class. Most of the US really loved the Beatles' accent. I still like it. So there!

Godiva in Coventry froze;
Caught cold from removing her clothes
And that's why a Brummy
Still talks from her tummy
and vowels get caught in her nose.

I was advised to change my name before visiting Birmingham after I posted this one. Really, I'm just kidding! The accent is just a little tiny bit nasal...

If ever I'm visiting Wales,
I'll simply ignore all the tales.
Understanding that speech
is a goal I can't reach.
I'd rather just buy them all ales.

I find the accents in the south of Wales quite pretty. Only problem is I always have to ask them to repeat what they said. The south Wales accent is really the only one I've heard.

The ones I like most are the Scots;
Their accents just give me the hots;
Though the speech I adore,
There's one thing I abhor.
Their haggis; it gives me the trots!

I like the Scots accents best of the UK accents; they are the only ones I easily 'pick up'. Most Americans pick up more on English accents, I guess I'm just strange. (Quit agreeing so enthusiastically!)
The Irishman's brogue is renowned.
Rolled R's make so charming a sound.
But their excellent stout
Is the thing that I tout --
Come join me; I'll buy the firrrst round!

I do love that Irish accent. As long as they don't break into Gaelic, I have no problem understanding them. It's not one I could ever imitate though; I simply cannot copy that rolled 'r'.

By Kathy Kinsley at 14:17 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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15 Sep, 2000

Just what did you mean by that?

In a face to face encounter, what you don't say may be more important than what you do say. Estimates vary, but the lowest ones say that over 60% of communication is nonverbal. Proxemics is one part of nonverbal communication; kinesics is the other. Like spoken language, they vary from culture to culture.

Smiles

The only universal gestures are smiles and frowns. Even with those, you aren't always safe. The Thais, for instance, use a smile as an apology. I found it pretty difficult to remember this when a Thai woman tossed some dirty dishwater out her door and caught me (luckily I was wearing a dress and she only got me from the knees down). She then smiled at me!

In the US, you don't smile; you look appalled and apologize profusely. I did remember the Thais use a smile as apology, and in fact do that myself there, but at that moment it was very difficult to overcome my own cultural programming and smile back! I did it though, and even managed a small laugh. The result was that she brought some clean water for me to rinse off with, and a towel to dry
myself.

Her place was on my route to work and from then on, I got a smile and hello whenever she saw me. However, I did check very carefully to make sure she didn't have a washtub in her hands before I walked by.

Eye contact

In Thailand, I acquired the habit of looking down if I was speaking to someone older, or higher in status. Since I tend to be a bit shy in social situations, I picked up the habit very quickly, and I now find the US standard of direct eye contact a bit disconcerting!

In the US, not looking directly at someone when you talk to them is rude. In most of Asia, it is rude to do so, especially if you are of lower 'status' than the person you are speaking to. In fact, even in some parts of the US, looking someone in the eye is interpreted as a challenge.

I read a study a few years ago that indicated that one of the reasons that people brought up in the inner cities have trouble getting hired for jobs is that they don't look an interviewer in the eye. This is interpreted as shifty behavior, dishonesty, and so forth. In reality, it is only a cultural difference. If you
look someone in the eye in the inner cities, you will probably end up in a fight.

Nods and shakes

One evening in Phuket, I ran across one of my computer customers at a local pub. He complained to me that a Thai he had hired to work on his house had agreed to do something, and then failed to do it. I knew the worker in question, and that his English wasn't very good. I asked my acquaintance if he was sure the worker had understood. "Yes," he replied "I even asked if he was sure he could do it, and he nodded."

I spent the next twenty minutes explaining to this gentleman (I had been in Thailand for three months at the time, he had been there for years) that Thais do not nod to signify yes. A Thai nod means "I respect your authority, I respect you" and that sort of thing. It does not mean yes. The Thai had probably not understood what this guy said (and no, they won't ask)!

So, don't assume a nod always means yes, or that a shake always means no! Don't use a nod or a shake and expect to be understood. Both of these differ from culture to culture.

Kinesics Pedantry

Ray L. Birdwhistell began the study of Kinesics. He wrote Introduction to Kinesics
(1952).

From dictionary.com

ki·ne·sics (k-nsks, -zks, k-) n. (used with a sing. verb) The study of nonlinguistic bodily movements, such as gestures and facial expressions, as a systematic mode
of communication
. [From Greek kinsis, movement, from kinein, to move; see kei-2 in Indo-European Roots.]
ki�nesic (-sk, -zk) adj.

Smiling

Even in English, we have terms such as grin, smirk, and leer. We also have happy, sad, rueful, wicked, broad, tight and insincere smiles. Keep that in mind if you ever find yourself in Thailand, the land of smiles. They have all these, and many more!

Eye contact

In many cultures and subcultures, eye contact is interpreted as defiance or challenge. In many others, lack of eye contact is interpreted as dishonest or, at best, shyness or embarrassment.

Nods and shakes

Bulgaria and the US are exact opposites, Bulgarians shake the head for yes, and nod it for no. Many cultures tilt the head up to indicate no, and some tilt the head to the side to indicate yes. In some of the Asian cultures, a nod is simply a gesture or respect, and has nothing to do with yes or no.

By Kathy Kinsley at 19:34 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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13 Sep, 2000

Don’t stand so close to me!

Proxemics and Kinesics

Proxemics and kinesics together are popularly known as "body language". If you don't know what they are and understand them, they can get you in some funny situations. I'll cover proxemics here; if you know about proxemics, you have a hidden advantage. Most people react to personal space differences on an unconscious level.

Aren't you a bit too close?

One night I was sitting across the table from a couple of gents. One was Canadian, the other from Austria. There isn't a huge amount of difference in the body space between Northern Europeans and North Americans, but there is just enough for discomfort.

The Austrian was trying to get to a comfortable range for talking and so was the Canadian. The Canadian couldn't move his chair away because of other chairs at the table. He kept leaning back. The Austrian kept leaning forward. In less than a minute, I could only see the top of both heads, and was having a difficult time keeping a straight face.

Neither of them had any idea why they were reacting that way. The Canadian finally excused himself and fled to the toilet; when he returned he sat next to me (across from the other gent) , and things were fine thereafter.

Knowledge pays

I once got a very good temporary job because of the same cultural difference. Had a great boss, easy job, and good pay for a temp agency. My boss was from Switzerland, (German Swiss) and when I took the job, the agency warned me that several previous temps had thought he was harassing them - even though he never grabbed them or said anything inappropriate. They thought he must have been making moves, since the others all believed he was, so I was his last chance before they dropped him as a client.

I often was put in jobs that others couldn't deal with. Previously they had always been because of 'technical' problems (oddball computer programs and so forth). This one wasn't that kind, but they decided to try me anyway, since I'd rescued them a few times before. Absolutely the only problem with the man was that he stood too close when talking to me.

I had my instinct to retreat under conscious control, so I had no problems. He was an interesting person, and a perfect gentleman. The project lasted three months and paid $8.75 per hour (back in the 80's). I got the job -and kept it - simply because I knew proxemics and a few basic office skills.

A few points

There are several different levels of space around an individual. These are: the intimate zone, the personal zone, the social zone, and the public zone. There are a number of cultures with a small personal zone, and many with a wide one (North America is one of the wider). From the US point of view, some Europeans seem to be trying to get intimate with us, others seem a little unfriendly, and most Arabs are positively invasive.

I've had several people from other cultures tell me that I was one of the few Americans they felt comfortable with. I'm not that different from other Americans, except that I've taught myself to let others approach to their comfortable distance. It's a simple concept, but not so easy to apply. Try experimenting with a friend. You may be surprised how defensive you feel if they get too close, and how much you want to step forward if they are too far away.

Next time you see someone backing around a room, with someone else seemingly in pursuit, you'll know why. If someone stands too close to you, don't make the assumption they are trying to harass you — you might miss a good job, or a great friend. If someone backs away, don't assume they aren't friendly — they might be thinking you are trying to make a pass!

Proxemics pedantry

The term ``proxemics'' was coined by researcher Edward Hall in 1963.

From dictionary.com:

prox·e·mics (prk-smks) n. (used with a sing. verb) The study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals.
[prox(imity) + -emics (as in phonemics).]
prox·emic adj.

In plainer English, proxemics is the study of positioning, both of bodies and of objects. Since we are dealing with language in this column, I'll only deal with human bodies.

In more popular terms, this type of proxemics is usually called 'personal space'.

For North Americans, Edward Hall found these zones:

  • the intimate zone, within 18 inches
  • the personal zone, 18 inches to 4 feet
  • the social zone, 4 to 10 feet
  • the public zone, 10 to 25 feet

All cultures seem to have these zones, but the distances vary widely. Distances can vary even within cultures, and even vary somewhat between the sexes. In the US, women sit/stand closer to each other than men do.

I've also got an article on kinesics. It tells how you can mortally insult someone from another culture simply by making a friendly gesture. [Ok, I'm exaggerating a little. -ed]

By Kathy Kinsley at 18:39 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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06 Sep, 2000

We don’t all speak the same English.

"England and America are two countries separated by a common language." George Bernard Shaw (attributed)

"We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language." Oscar Wilde

When I'm speaking with anyone other than one of my fellow North Americans, I do my best to not use slang. I speak my best proper English.

(I'm pausing here so the Brits, Aussies and others may have a chance stop giggling about the idea of a US citizen speaking proper English. Done now? Good.) Maybe we don't really all speak the same language.

I'm sure my fellow US citizens and a number of Canadians (a nation which should not be confused with the US) are not quite sure why I am so cautious. I shall explain (you knew I would).

Just because we all speak the same language does not mean we mean the same thing when we use a word or phrase. Most everyone knows that what we call an elevator in the US is called a lift in the UK and most people in the UK know what an elevator is anyway. These are the sort of things we can ask about easily if we don't understand. But there are a lot of words that we all use, just with different meanings, that can cause some pretty funny misunderstandings.

For the purposes of the following "story", touchy words and phrases are in bold. (It's not a very good story, just example sentences that I made up and strung together.) Those of you who have travelled a bit will probably be able to make sense of this. For those who haven't, the definitions are at the bottom. I marked the US usage at the bottom, the others are British English (mostly Australian too), unless otherwise stated. Canada and the US seem to have similar usages.

A friend came by to knock me up yesterday just after dinner, hoping I might go out and get pissed with her, but I decided not to, but I may see if she wants to tonight.

I got really pissed this morning when I was out driving. There were a lot of crazy drivers out there. I was pretty well knocked up by the time I got to the store. It didn't help matters any when I got stuck in an aisle behind a screaming kid whose mother was threatening to spank his fanny if he didn't hush. I figured if she'd kept her fanny to herself she wouldn't have got knocked up and wouldn't have a screaming kid.

It was really hot out today. I wore a dress and I was really glad I hadn't worn pants. I decided to reward myself for not strangling that screaming kid by going over to Victoria's Secret and buying myself a pair of really sexy pants. By the time I got out of the mall it was raining, so the ground was slippery and I fell flat on my bum and dropped all my packages. A really nice bum came over and helped me gather them all up. I bought him some fags to say thanks. I took the back way home and drove past the local fag bar. Too bad it wasn't open yet, I could have used a drink.

When I got home I was exhausted, and my roommate was watching football on tv and rooting for the local team. I tried to change the channel, but the roommate really hates watching football. Finally I gave up and started reading. Just as I was relaxing, I got an obscene phone call. Some idiot wanted to know if I'd root for a dollar. I told him if he were the last man on earth I'd convert and become a nun. What a day!

Want some definitions?

  • knock me up: Knock on my door, wake me up.
  • pissed: drunk
  • pissed: angry (same as pissed off) (US)
  • knocked up: tired
  • knocked up: pregnant (knock me up would be: make me pregnant!)(US)
  • fanny: rear end (US)
  • fanny: same general level, but further front (clue — men don't have one).
  • pants: trousers, slacks (US)
  • pants: underpants
  • bum: rear end (same as the US fanny)
  • bum: hobo, tramp (US)
  • fags: cigarettes
  • fag: homosexual (US)
  • root: In the US (Canada?), it means to cheer on, in Aus it means "have intercourse" (Brits understand both)
  • football: US football/Aus football/soccer (three different games)

That is just a small example, there are many more. I hope you now understand why I sometimes wonder whether all English speakers really do speak the same language.

I really wonder what kind of search phrases Google is going to hit me with after this article!

By Kathy Kinsley at 17:05 . Filed in: Perilous Parlance
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