Listen, you’ve done some great work over the years, you really have. The entire country owes you a huge debt of thanks. But on behalf of the news media, the Washington pundits, various powerbrokers, assorted columnists, and esteemed talking heads, I have some news that it doesn’t give me any pleasure to give.
You’re fired.
No, I know, it seems abrupt, but it really isn’t. We’ve been thinking about this since we caught you having that illicit fling with John McCain. The bottom line is, you’re unreliable, and this electoral system needs to be fixed.
Do you have any idea how many millions of dollars we spend on polls? We have national polls, state polls, tracking polls, rolling polls, rolling tracking polls, tracking rolling polls. And when we use irrefutable science to determine exactly who wins what race and why, you willfully ignore the memo. So there’s the problem: You’re not paying enough attention, and I don’t mean to the boring candidates. To us.
This one borders on ‘too true to be funny’.
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